Keeping up with my sister magazines' titles really paid dividends this week after this glorious tidbit landed in my inbox.
The letter, a complaint about the carnal nature of Haribo Maoam packaging, perhaps stretches the Daily Mail's archetypal reader beyond credulity, but is worth reading in full.
Maoam says carnal wrapper complaint is genuine.
Not to shoot fish in a barrel, but the sender obviously caused quite the scene in his local newsagent, implying he assumed the shopkeeper had a duty to studiously examine every item in the store for offensive content.
"Sorry Martha, we'll have to bin all these tins of sweetcorn because The Jolly Green Giant is clearly struggling to stifle his ample pan handle."
Besides, if two fruits did find a way to procreate, I'd be all for it. The offspring of a strawberry and a mango would probably prove so tasty that I'd start hosting fruit orgy nights at my flat.
I can picture it now, me, strutting around in a Hugh Hefner smoking jacket, pipe in hand, as a nectarine and a pear furiously get down to business over a Sony remote control, giggling away like it's the most natural thing in the world. Which it would be.
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