No government, money or religion!

The use of exclamation marks is forbidden by my publishing house, which sees them as crass and unnecessary. I agree, but the headline above seemed to be a worthwhile exception. (I'm currently unsure of their policy on shocked orangutan pictures).

I've had a bit of spare holiday to burn these past few days and, due to the bank sending me incorrect pin numbers for cards that were cruelly half-inched from me last Friday night, I have no immediate access to cash.

My proceeding houseboundness has led me to watch two jaw dropping documentaries- both of which can be found here Zeitgeist the Movie.

I highly recommend you watch them both. The sources used within are highly reputable and the logic, undeniable and paced in a way that's easy to follow. The issues discussed are relevant to us all, and are frankly shit-scary.

To summarise, the videos show lucidly show how religion is used as a tool, how ruthless shadow governments start wars to profiteer and how poverty is literally built into the banking and financial systems. The second doc even goes as far as to suggest that technology is at a point where money is no longer necessary at all to mankind!

(Apologies, another exclamation mark just slipped out- I clearly need to tighten the bicycle clips on my punctuation-filled trousers)

Regular Life Guff readers will already be aware of my distaste for utter bankers. Their administrative error which has left me penniless and incarcerated in my own home this week, coupled with the recent Supreme Court whitewash has done little to endear them to me any further.

The Zeitgeist documentaries were the icing on the cake, albeit a big rubbish fruit cake made with too much marzipan and human excrement in the place of raisins.

So. Should we, and can we, move towards a system that does away all together with money? Life Guff is pretty sceptical, but never afraid to tackle the weighty issues.

Stay tuned for an impending update with my thoughts. In the meantime, check this site out- The Venus Project

Style tips

I'm drunk and I'm issuing men's style tips. This is the situation. Too many faux pas tonight and I can no longer take it.


1. Shirts should be worn under V-necks, not round necks. Roundnecks look good with a tee shirt, or nothing underneath.

2. Navy should not clash with black. This is why cords are a good call- you can get away with various colours of cords, but not jeans- which only look good in dark blue, or black.

3. Layer. Many layers of stuff should adorn your person. Scarfs, Jumpers, wrist wear, knitwear, suit jackets etc.

4. Grey is good. An Underrated colour, dragged down unfairly by ex-PM John Major. Grey looks cool in suits. It is acceptable to wear out, and at job interviews, and it goes with pretty much any colour.

5. Avoid wankiness. Flamboyance is cool, but keep it to a minimum. A lairy shirt, for example, should be subdued by a blazer, V-neck or cardigan. Show a little lairyness, but not a lot.

6. Invest the majority of your budget in the following items- white shirt, jeans, shoes, well fitting tee shirts.

7. Keep your shirt/tee shirt a lighter colour than your cardigan, suit jacket, or tie. It really just looks wrong otherwise.

8. Match your eye-colour to your clothes.

9. Dress with irony. If you look like a toff, grunge it up a bit- see Jude Law. If you're a recovering drug addict, dress like royalty- see Keith Richards.

10. Don't spend too much on gym wear. You'll look like a try-hard. Instead, opt for Uniqlo sweat pants, American Apparel or Topman tee-shirts and New Balance trainers from TK Maxx. New Balance and Asics are the thinking man's trainers. Functional, but not exorbitantly priced.

11. Avoid Chavvy stores and keep it basic. The following high street shops, in order of price range, are advisable: Uniqlo, Topman, American Apparel, Banana Republic, Full Circle, Levis, Reiss, Tommy Hilfiger, Diesel, Paul Smith, Ralph Lauren, Christian Dior.

12. Dress predominantly in one colour. It makes you look taller and slimmer.

13. Avoid logos. Style should speak for itself. (Small logos- like the polo horse and crocodile are borderline acceptable, I guess.)

14. Find a store that sells clothes that suit your shape.

15. Model yourself on guys with timeless style- Frank Sinatra, Steve McQueen, The Beatles (late years), The Strokes (early years), Interpol, Carey Grant, Andre 3000...

16. Don't emulate gangsters or douche bags. Leave bling, graffiti stylings, ripped tailoring and too much hair product to Italian American stereotypes and Persians.

17. You are not square shapped. So don't wear clothes that make you look rectangular or in any way boxey.

18. Feck, I'm up to 18. I really must be drunk... I dunno, my main advice is avoid simple carbs (rice, pasta, bread, sugar)- they're the only thing that actually makes you store fat as fat. I.e, you can eat excess amounts of protein, good fats and complex carbs and stay slim. However, if you eat less, but it consists of simple carbs you'll still look like the Pilsbury dough boy.

19. Loosen up. Ladies can sense an uptight chump at 1,000 paces.