When spam gets poetic

From: Dennis Wolf [mailto:1c2eldd@chinamobile.com]
Sent: 24 March 2010 19:40
To: Tom Hall
Subject: Melvin Hodge

She must have alluded to her father. Will you take my advice? Come and sit down here beside me. That is what I told her. He went in through the garden. She was born for love. What could she do? Such a lovely plan!
Reuben Metaxa that you wants. It is here. It smothers me.I'll ask Jane. FRIENDS IN NEED. What is the money to me? I'll tell her.
Would you like me to show you? Those are forests. But not with pleasure. The other two were evidently brothers. Why from different people.
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 9.0.791 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2766 - Release Date: 03/23/10 19:33:00

The above is a genu-wine piece of spam emailage, sent by one Dennis Wolf, who a good friend informed me shares the same name of a pro bodybuilder!

Assuming it is said preening meathead, I have to say, I quite admire his literary style. It's fractured, melancholy and somehow defiant. Reminiscent of 18 Century greats like Emily Dickinson and Edgar Allan Poe.

Like myself, I feel Wolf falls apart by taking on too many weighty themes and drifting too far into obscurity, thus alienating his audience.

He also failed to plug any products or fabricate an elaborate story about his wealthy African ancestory to tempt us into parting with our cash- a must in any self respecting spam email.

Wolf should have stuck to what he knows, namely how best to lift heavy lumps of metal as a means to resembling tragic children's TV presenter Mark Speight after a radiation accident in a Cheetos factory.

The email should have read something like this:

From: Dennis Wolf [mailto:1c2eldd@chinamobile.com]
Sent: 24 March 2010 19:40
To: Tom Hall
Subject: Melvin Hodge

She must have alluded to her spotting partner. Will you take my advice on correct dumbbell form? Come and sit down here beside the free weights bench. That is what I told her. He went in through the gym reception area. She was born for high intensity cardio workouts. What could she do? Such a lovely fitness plan!
Dennis Wolf Mega Super Whey Iso-bars that you wants. It is here in three delicious flavours. It smothers me like the bigger man with bigger muscles that haunts my dreams. I'll ask Jane. FRIENDS IN THE SAUNA TO CHAT WITH ABOUT HOW MY DELTS ARE LOOKING. What is the money to me? Who needs money when you have a six pack that could grate cheese?
Would you like me to show you my guns? They are like oak trees. But not with pleasure. I have body dimorphism so to me they look like small pine cones.

Quit being a puny pen pusher!!! Order Dennis Wolf Mega Super Whey Iso-Bars now!!!!

No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 9.0.791 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2766 - Release Date: 03/23/10 19:33:00